'Allo.

Mah name eez Monsieur Balloftape. Een my younger et more vulnerable days, I was Monsieur Longpieceoftape, dedicated to keepeeng all lines straight for all set deesigneurs partout. As yew can see, theengs have changed. Mais do not be fooled by mah sedentary appeeranze. Ah assure yew ah am quaht cahpahble of many theengs, including:

1. Performeeng ze same baseec function as ze snowball wizout ze inconvenience of ze melting.

2. Supervizeeng ze tech booth.

3. 'Aunting your dreams.

I weell 'ave no master, mais I seek a partner for my plan of WORLD DOMEENATION. Wiz my unique skeell set and your opposable tumbs, we can accomplish anyzing... including exacteeng revenge upon she who humeeleeated me, who trew me away like I was garbage. I am comeeng for you, chérie. Soon yew weell know what eet ees to be a balled up!

Bisous,

M. Balloftape